Noun 1. gastronome - a person devoted to refined sensuous enjoyment (especially good food and drink)bon vivant, epicure, epicurean, foodie, gourmetsensualist - a person who enjoys sensuality. Follow me on Twitter: @Aghastronome

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Burger Love: Christian's Tailgate Midtown

This past Saturday I convinced a dear friend that we had to "drive Inside The Loop" for a burger.  Yes, I am sad, pathetic, the least of the cool - I reside approximately 3 miles outside Loop 610.  I am "OTL", or "GUD" (Geographically UnDesirable).  I know, I know - one day I might ought to remedy that, however, I hate the whole packing, moving, unpacking and the associated decrapping. Yes, I always hire a mover, 'cause I'm lazy like that.  Quite honestly, it takes me fifteen whole minutes to land in Midtown/Downtown/Montrose, unless there's been an accident or there are an inordinate number of jackasses on the road.

 Oh, yeah the burger part.  I decided that it has been entirely too long since I have been to Lankford Grocery.  I love their bacon cheeseburgers with mex-mex (a fried combination of jalapeno strips and onion strips).  Thanks to that loud-mouth, Guy Fieri, you cannot get near the place, unless you have some free time on a work day around 9:00 a.m.  I don't, unless I take vacation.

It's coming up on 1:00 p.m., I am hungry, I have quit smoking and this is not a happy combination.  This is tantamount to a recipe for disaster, or a total meltdown. Take my normal "I am fussy because I might be living off my own body fat" to a whole new dimension.  I am fussy to the second power.  I will not wait for an hour for a table so I can wait for another half hour to feed the worm.  Not this overgrown heifer, no way.  Ummmmm, yeah, Midtown is rife with morons, but, typically they are only out at night playing "human frogger" on Brazos or Bagby. Christian's Tailgate on Bagby @ Pierce it is. This is an off-shoot, if you will, of Christian's Totem on Washington at I-10.  Totem is my second favorite burger in Houston, and the Midtown location does the same burger on a newer grill so it is still damn good. 

I ordered the 1/3 pound burger with bacon, cheddar cheese and green chilis, drag it through the garden, and made it a basket with fries.  My friend had the bacon cheeseburger, and some of my fries (you get a massive portion of potatoes) and my sister had a plain burger as she is concerned about the size of her carcass, whatevs.  She had some of my fries too and we still left half the order in the basket, not kidding on the massive portion.  My burger was very thick, very juicy and nicely pink in the center. Combine that with softly melted cheddar and crisp thick bacon and I am almost in heaven.  It is the chilis that take me "there".  "There" is a warm and happy place.  Really.  These were  real green chilis with texture and a nice kick.  Not the soggy canned chilis that you make green rice with, the bland and virtually tasteless ones.  I saw seeds.  Per.Fect.Shun.  Now, when I see green chilis as an option, I will beg the question - "Why where do you get your chilis?".  If the answer has nothing to do with a tin can - go for it.

The only downside to the whole experience, other than the lack of parking spaces, was the buzzing hum of vuvuzelas on the very loud televisions.  Oh, and the half-naked waitresses who are either in training for that dream job at the Hooters, or freshly fired from there.  Girly girl here does not need to view half of your fake-baked breasticles (original or surgically enhanced) whilst gnoshing (the "g" is silent) on a burger.  Although, it does aid in promoting portion control and I could certainly use a good dose of that.  They have dollar beer on Monday, awesome.  They made Playboy's America's Ten Best Burgers? Shock.  Deliciousness, yes and I will return time and again for more burger action, but Ten Best?

Christian's Tailgate Bar & Grill (My number 3 burger, this ten seconds)
2000 Bagby St (at Pierce)

Yeah, I got more grainy halfarsed crackberry photos to share....just squint, it'll be okay.  Squeaky here is really gonna buy a growed up camera.

1 comment:

  1. I have quit smoking and this is not a happy combination. This is tantamount to a recipe for disaster, or a total meltdown. movers in Houston